Why I Love Being in the Dirtbombs -or- Why You Never Negotiate With Kidnappers' Demands...

This is an email sent, in two slightly different forms, to both our booking agent and our record label. Grammatical and spelling errors were left intact for full effect.

To whom it may concern,

I write to communicate my extreme disappointment and outright animosity concerning the Dirtbombs' live show the evening of July 30, 2008 in Boston, Massachusetts.

I have been a longtime fan of the Dirtbombs, and have had the opportunity to see them on several occasions. Tonight they disappointed the audience with a mere 35 minute, 5 song set, which concluded with a 20+ minute, out of tune, jam of Kung Fu. Throughout their show, the band showed nothing but disdain for the audience, and apathy for their sound. Of particular note was the rendition of "Sun Is Shining." During this, Mick's guitar was out of tune, the band's timing was off, and a verse was skipped. They acknowledged this and laughed about it, as fans stood in awe.

As mentioned above, the show was concluded by a 20+ minute version of Kung Fu, which took up more than 50% of their time on stage. In addition to the inaudible lyrics from Mick, who, once again, skipped a verse, of particular note were the actions of Ben. He left his drum assignment and paraded through the audience with a microphone. During this time he grabbed a mic attempted to speak, but at no point during his incoherent rambling, did he come close to making anything resembling a clear thought. The only point that he was able to communicate, was that he would offer free Heinekens to any fans who purchased a t-shirt after their set. I did not pay to see Ben making a sad attempt to fraternize with the fans. I did, however, pay to see more than five songs, and I did pay to hear a band who played with instruments in tune, and who exhibited an attitude which was not insulting to the fans.

In light of the foregoing, a demand is hereby made for a full refund of my $25.00 ticket, and a formal apology from the band to their fans for this embarasment, posted on their website by 8/8. Additionally, the band should take steps to put on a free apology show at a venue in Boston.

If I am not contacted concerning this matter by FrIday, 8/8 and steps are not taken to accommodate the the aforementioned demands, I will contact the appropriate local union representatives and area venues to guarantee that neither The Dirtbombs, nor any other artist in your label, will not get another gig Northeast of Providence again.