Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Top Ten Albums of the Year Bullshit...

So the Metro Times gets year-end top ten lists from its music writers. Much like their reviewing policy, I'm not allowed to pick artists I'm blood-related to or have put out records by. Even if the records I put out aren't even what I put on my list.

It really dampens my dog to be under such restrictions. You know, cause I've put out all the awesomest bands around.

So, barring any last minute pangs of enlightenment, this is the list that will run in the Metro Times, complete with shitticisms about each record.

1. Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not Arctic Monkeys

England looked like shit until I heard this.

2. A Hundred Miles Off the Walkmen

Bassist and organist switch instruments…the album still destroys.

3. Show Your Bones Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Here’s my humerus, my tibia, my cochlea and my heart.

4. The Information Beck

“Cellphone’s Dead” makes me dance the robot. Must be seen to be believed.

5. Rather Ripped Sonic Youth

Jim O’Rourke’s exit is the best thing to happen since getting their guitars stolen.

6. Types of Wood Whirlwind Heat

Less spazzy, more jazzy. The boys have become men.

7. s/t Be Your Own Pet

Vinyl version of this album is a seven-disc 7” boxset. Genius.

8. Who the Fuck are Arctic Monkeys? Arctic Monkeys

The band so nice they make the list twice.

9. Under a Billion Suns Mudhoney

Remember grunge? Neither do they.

10. Wowee Zowee Sordid Sentinels Edition Pavement

While every year may bring a Pavement reissue, this is the only one you need.

and of course, everyone's favorite...

Worst Record of the Year:

The Greatest Cat Power

Genre slumming doesn’t behoove you, Chan. Stick to weepy indie rock.
(my original line here was actually "More like 'The Shittiest' by Shat Shower.")

So just thinking aloud here (please, don't worry). Do the Arctic Monkeys really deserve two spots on the list? I sincerely believe that their EP is as good, if not truly better than their full-length. And let's not even get into the single-only "Leave Before the Lights Come On". And a Pavement reissue? Come on Ben, you're being lazy. I really liked the Odd Clouds record, but I feel somewhat self-conscious about putting records I actually reviewed for the Metro Times on my Metro Times Top Ten List. Truth is, I usually only write about records I like. That doesn't give me much cred as a critic, but who the fuck cares as it keeps me happy.

So for the dedicated TUBL readers, here is my ACTUAL year-end top ten list, uncluttered with Orwellian editorial oversight.

1. Join Dan Sartain Dan Sartain
2. Below the Branches Kelley Stoltz
3. Broken Boy Soldiers the Raconteurs
4. Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not/Who the Fuck are Arctic Monkeys? Arctic Monkeys
5. A Hundred Miles Off the Walkmen
6. Show Your Bones Yeah Yeah Yeahs
7. The Information Beck
8. Rather Ripped Sonic Youth
9. Types of Wood Whirlwind Heat
10. St. Elsewhere Gnarls Barkley

The first three albums on the list are all pretty interchangeable. Only reason I topped it with Sartain is probably because it was the last of the three to come out and it's the one I'm currently most into. Likewise, since the Raconteurs recordings had been festering since before "Get Behind Me Satan" and the live show is so blistering, it suffers slightly.
Also, in my own perfect world, I would be able to include both Arctic Monkeys records together. Why? Because that's how I roll. Everything else is the same except for ending the list with Gnarls. I figured all the other schlubs at MT will be gushing all over this record to give their lists some "flava". And rightfully so as it is impeccable. But all I can think of is checking out the top tens over at Terminal Boredom last year and bumming on how only 15 or so albums were listed between ten dudes (note: "15" and "ten" are arbitrary numbers placed into the sentence to illustrate a point. They are in no way meant to be accurate).
I choose not to choose Gnarls Barkley in hopes of variety. Plus, the fact that I can't actually include my actual favorite records of the year leaves the list with little meaning to me, so I might as well mess around with it, right? Like there's not enough white dudes with guitars on my list.
Let me know what y'all think.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have the BYOP album on 12" bought from and signed by Jemina at their dublin support slot for the Racs...

Traffic and Weather said...

I demand to see the robot dance.

swank said...

shoulda went with "the shittiest by shat shower".