USA Part Seven: Conclusion of the East Coast...

Day off in Montreal wisely spent relaxing. Bought a kick-ass Detroit Red Wings throw-back sweater (not "jersey") the same that the team wore during the '91-92 season as part of the celebration of the 75th anniversary of the NHL.

This thing is beyond sweet, and I can't remember how much I actually spent on it, only that it was well-worth it. Makes me feel like I'm ten-years old again.

Ate at some greasy café that had a "Detroit" hot dog and was too curious to pass it up. The dog came with a liquefied meatsauce that may have possibly attempted to be chili. It was wholly unappetizing.

Bought Miranda July's "Learning to Love You More" from Urban Outfitters.

Trekked with Pat to the IMAX theater down the street from our hotel to catch Shine a Light, the latest Rolling Stones concert film. I was sincerely anticipating what I'd heard, from numerous sources, was a pretty great film.

From the opening sequence of the movie…with the playing up of the "what will the set-list be?" factor of the show, through the absolutely retching CGI'd ending with the moon over Manhattan morphing into the Stones' lips logo, the entire work was one solid disappointment after another.

Not only is it the only Scorcese film I can think of that doesn't feature "Gimme Shelter" but it's all so unexciting. Start the show with "Jumping Jack Flash"? Really? Was that the big secret you couldn't tell the producer before you got on stage? And that half-assed abortion you seemed to feel comfortable calling "Shattered"? Sick to my stomach…the band completely took the herky-jerky LIFE of that song and regurgitated it as forgettable bar band blues blah.

The entire thing suffered from what I would call "film mixing for idiots." That is, whoever is featured on screen is immediately thrust to the forefront of the audio mix. And as soon as the camera catches on someone else or changes shots, that next person is then the audio king for a second.

Distracting and frustrating to say the least, this approach left me completely unable to hear how certain guitar solos concluded. And believe me, I am so fucking far from an audio snob, I listen to Back From the Grave records and love 'em. But the accompanying audio to the visuals provided in Shine a Light is an egregious offense to anyone who's ever heard the Rolling Stones before.

All of these caused me to become particularly bored with the film and I fell asleep two separate times during the film. When Buddy Guy was thanked in the end credits, I had to ask Pantano why. Apparently I'd managed to miss that entire song.

Jack White's tasteful contribution to "Loving Cup" notwithstanding, I can in no way recommend "Shine a Light" and however inflated the Canadian dollar price of my IMAX ticket, I want it back.

Next day bought a vintage suit jacket (contemplated a German horse leather aviator coat from WWII but balked at the $700 tag) that Pat was jealous of and Mick said "You only got that 'cause it looks exactly like the coat I wore in the Gories."

My reply: "So?"

Quick drive up to Ottawa was particularly sunny. Club there was a complete shitfest, the backstage basement looking like something the most recalcitrant of crust punks would admit needed some cleaning. Had a tasty Asian meal down the street from the club.

Show was cool. The promoter threw all of the tickets for the night at us while we played in some faux-fetti fiasco. I believe the encore entailed me imploring the audience to dance like no one was watching them, a plea I would spruce up and use again at future shows. Ottawa also may have been my first use of "All the ugly people be quiet". Sometimes you just can't remember.

Next day in Toronto and buying rare rap records down the street from the Horseshoe Tavern. Stoltz band would play on CBC radio early that afternoon and he himself surprised me with a Hockey Night In Canada hooded sweatshirt that has become the instant envy of anyone who's seen it. I was chuffed.

The show was fine, again ending with a jam on "Miss You" with members of both bands taking part. As soon as we finished, we hurriedly packed up our gear and made the 4-hour drive straight back to Detroit. I dropped everyone else off first, stopped at Archer to pick up some test pressings and then collapsed in a heap.

Toledo and Ann Arbor didn't really feel like tour, but a trip to Tony Packo's and hitting up Underground Sounds on Record Store Day were choice. Pat got attacked by some drunken dude in Toledo and besides Frankie's looking exactly the way it did ten years ago, there's nothing else of merit to report from those days.

End of tour wrap party at New Seoul Gardens was delicious. There was created one collaborative picture sleeve for the Kelley Stoltz/Dirtbombs split single. Someday maybe someone will see it. A fun tour, marked by good meals, great shows, quixotic headaches and all kinds of in-between, it was a pleasure to share it all with a class-act like Kelley Stoltz and his equally as classy band. Good times.